By Tony Rizzo
HOLLYWOOD — It’s time again to make resolutions for the new year. We thought it would be great fun to nudge a few of our favorite celebrities in the right direction.
Ashton Kutcher: Shave your fuzzy face and stop hiding your light under a bushel of hair.
Robert Pattinson, Kristin Stewart and Taylor Lautner: Find something — anything — away from “The Twilight Saga” to make us cheer for you!
Donald Trump: Get a new barber and hairstyle before America says, “You’re fired!”
The Republican Party: Find a candidate you can actually run against President Obama.
“Dancing With the Stars”: How about just one season with at least one top-notch celebrity to put the “star” back in your name!
Hey, Michael Buble, what do you say? Push that plate of pasta away and return to the swooner-crooner of yesterday.
Miley Cyrus: Find something besides sexy photos, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll to make headlines.
Justin Bieber: Go for quality and not quantity in your public appearances, and stay home with your family and friends a few nights.
The Kardashians: Find a talent — any talent — to be known for other than your bums!
Tom Welling: (Bet you don’t know who he is!) Use the superpowers you acquired as Superboy (the past 10 years on “Smallville”) to get people to know who the heck you are.
Jennifer Lopez: Is this the year you finally learn from past mistakes? Your first husband, Ojoni Noa, was a waiter in Miami; your second husband, a backup dancer, Cris Judd (which didn’t turn out too well); and now you’re running around with 23-year-old backup dancer and choreographer Casper Smart … not very smart considering the ugly custody battle husband No. 3 Marc Anthony is about to wage.
Oprah Winfrey: Now that you own your OWN Network, figure out how to own it like you did at ABC!
Lady Gaga: You are such a talented singer/songwriter, let us see more of that great talent and less of the over-the-top costumes and props.
Tom Hanks: You recently wrote, produced, directed and starred in “Larry Crowne” with Julia Roberts. Why not hire other professionals to help you get it right!
Tom Cruise: Take on the impossible mission of proving once and for all you’re ALL man!
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: Put your kids in day care and take them out of the public eye.
Miss Piggy: Dump Kermit and find yourself another frog — or pig or whatever — before you’re too old!
But seriously: Let’s make 2012 the year we care as much for our neighbors and friends as we do for ourselves.
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© 2011 King Features Synd., Inc.